Questiones left unaswered,only to be buried by time

MY..
how are you?
I miss you..
really i do..
word can never describe it..

i am sorry..
if i seem to have forgotten you..
i never did,
never did i, even once..
i just try hard not to think about it..
cause i whenever i do, my tears fall...

But tonight,
it is all coming back to me,
all of it,
no longer can i hold the tears in my eyes,
how i wish i could have the chance...
to be with you, again..
even if only once, i will be satisfied..

I remember,
it was a fine weekend,
i wanted to eat sugarcane,
once a favorite of mine,
and you plugged it, took the flesh, cut it into pieces
and i ate it,
it tasted so sweet,
just as sweet as your love always is..

and i also remember,
i was an innocent little kid,
playing around, with my little bro,
and you were bearing your last fruit,
it was so noisy outside,
u asked me to close the door,
i asked, "why me, not him?"
you answered, lovingly..
"because you are a girl, your hand will close the door gently, and wont make any noise"
and being your girl,
i am proud of it.

and of course,
being your only girl,
sometimes..
i wonder...
will you love me more? more than the others?
or can i boast to the others that i get your love more than they do?
will we make fun of each other, and laugh together?
will you be the one that i always complaint to whenever things get on my nerve?
will we share everything?
will i tease you of not knowing how to drive when i have got my license?
will i teach you how to drive? and u teach me how to cook?
will you nag me on the phone?
will i ever had the feeling of wanting to go back so much just to meet you? just how others do?
will you ever hug me a goodbye whenever it is time for me to leave?
will you visit me?
will you proud of me now?
will you ever shed your tears when i finally graduate?

and i would like to ask..
why do you left me?
why aren't you be here, when i need you the most?
why do i have nothing to say, when others boast about theirs?
why do i need to answer everything, myself..?

Well,
i know.. clearly..
these questions will never be answered..
it can only be kept silent by time..
it buries all hatress, all sadness, all venom, all poisons, all flesh..
nothing can run from it..

i am tired..
tired already..
tired of comforting myself..
tired of being strong when indeed i am not..
tired of holding back my tears when indeed my heart is flooded with it..
tired of getting healed when it is to be torn again..
tired of holding on when in fact i have nothing to hold on to..
tired of keeping this thought away by just going to sleep, when it is to haunt me again the next day..
tired of keep standing up before i fall again..
i am exhausted..

i break down..
breaking down into pieces..
but,
with my own strength,
i stand up..
before i break again..

after all.. it is just ...a matter of time
is not it?