not a good night

I am sad tonight. I planned to study. But then, my head just doesnt allow me. I just dunno what it wants. It rebels. It throbs. It feels like it is gonna explode. Just because I had a lunch. That is why I like to skip lunch. It does me no good. Once I have lunch, my eyelids become extremely heavy, and I start to feel sleepy. The kind of sleepy that you can never resist. But on the other hand, once I answer the bed call, I will never run away from the headache.
And i thought it only happen if I sleep after I eat. Surprisingly, no. Just now, I didn't even sleep. Yet the headache still haunt me. What is so wrong with my body. Why my body is very weak. The frequency of getting headache in a week will definitely shock everyone. It is like every other day, i get headache.
And the only thing that can relieve the pain is PCM. I even have to keep a stock of PCM, prophylactic. Just in case it comes, I have the remedy. Now, my body getting stronger against PCM. I need more dose to get rid of the pain.
How I wish someone is here to make me feel better. I feel so lonely...

Stony Hard

I know I am such a big-headed stubborn bad girl. Upset with the fact. I don't want to be like this. But I am trapped in a situation where I am forced to hold strongly to my principle. Though, I know, it brings me no good, brings him no good. Brings more disaster. Brings more pain.

Though I want it to end, at the same time, deep in my heart, down there where nobody has ever reached out to, refused to go out of the comfort zone. The love that I get, I swear, no one could ever give it to me.

When everybody else leaves me, abandons me, he comes.
When everybody else doesn't give it a damn, he cares.
When everybody just refuses to hear me, he listens.
When everybody else is blind to see, his eyes penetrate deep into my heart, right to my soul.
Whenever I speak no words, try to hold my tears, he, one who is kidnapped by distance, knows I am crying.
Above all, whenever I am in the utmost awful times, the moment my head touches his chest, listen to his heart, beating, so alive, the beat somehow diffuse into my blood, circulate to my heart, and ours, beat together, in 1 rhythm...

Tell me boy, before you judge me, who else can give me such great love....

fed up

yeah I am not smart, and I am weird. Say whatever you want. But it ain't fair for you to judge me with your eyes.
And I am not gonna give it a damn.

As much as I hated to say, yeah U are right.

I Just have no more energy & strength to fight. Not that I never tried. I have tried since the beginning. But as weak as a human is, I am too.

How could I possibly push someone who loves me so much, more than anyone I ever known. I wouldn't know what love is if it weren't for him. Selfish it sounds right? Yeah. Cuz I just want to fight no more, no.. Not until I regain my strength.

Whatever. As I said.

Come whatever it may, I wont resist.

Cuz no matter how much I resist, I would end up losing.

wild

If only tonight I have a car, I will.......

• Wear my mini ( as in super-mini) skirt
  
  
• "Veet" my legs out.
  

• Wear a body-fitting bellybutton-sparing sleeveless top
  
  
• Put on foundation, powder, eyeshadow, line the eyebrow, mascara the eyelash, a lil blush, and a killing shiny pinky red lipstick
  
  
• Grab the most beautiful earrings I have in the cupboard
  
  
• Drive the car to a club
  
  
• Unites with the music
  
  
• shake my body ( Buddy, U have know idea what I got here..)
  
  
• and...
  
  DANCE & KILL !!!

make me yours

So many have turn their back on you. It seems so easy.

Don't let me.

Embrace me with your love.

Only your love can heal me, guide me, & strengthened me.

Keep calling me, calling my name.

Monica.

I don't want to be among those who hurt your heart.