It is damn true!
Fuck you!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Money oh Money!!!
So can't wait to have big big sum of money when I work later on. So many things I wanna buy but I hold the desire for the moment.
1. So wanna go to slimming centre to get rid of my extra fat in the tummy. then I can
2. buy dress, beautiful dress!
3. wear sleeveless tops.
Yeah, yeah, I can't wait!!!
1. So wanna go to slimming centre to get rid of my extra fat in the tummy. then I can
2. buy dress, beautiful dress!
3. wear sleeveless tops.
Yeah, yeah, I can't wait!!!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Back in Kuching (again!)
I am back to Kuching again! Something that I did while my hearts shouts "NO! NO! I DUN WANNA GO BACK TO KUCHING! I HATE KUCHING! I WANT TO BE WITH MY FAMILY!", especially this time when I have to switch my holiday mood, spirit and soul to a study-all-time-nerdy medical student in preparation of Ortho Exam next Wednesday.
Being with family and friends in Sabah for the last 1 week made me forget about all the problems that originate in Kuching. STUDY and LOVE! Hate these two!
Now that I am back here, all the problems hurry up to rush into my mind. So many unpleasant things wait for me here, my 1 bucket unwashed clothes, my dirty room which I noticed no1 has cleaned it recently except the sweeping I did the week before I went back Sabah, my never-ending assignments, Ortho exam preparation, the fucking loneliness that only exist when I come back to Kuching!
I so wanna go back to my family!!!
Was so great that I spent the last week with them. All the must-do during CNY done. We gambled, in which I lost more than rm30 to my cousins. The gossiping among the cousins. Karaoke, but this time wasn't in the house, but in a so-called "proper" kampung newly opened karaoke place, with all the beers, the ladies (they called) to "serve" the man, which is very disgusting to my eyes.
And I saw my uncle at the karaoke! MMM.. We really cant judge people from outside... It is so disappointing to find out that someone we know all this while, someone we respect so much, do something which is not very appropriate.. Dun wanna comment on that, I am no angel too.
This time, ang pau I collected only less than rm 70. The big boss, my uncle decided not to distribute AngPau this year to respect my Grandpa who has passed away recently. Yeah, things a lil bit different this time. If he was around, he would be the first to distribute the Mandarin oranges to his grandchildren, the kids, and Ang Pau too! And last time, I sill remember, when I was a kid, He never missed to play the CHinese New year Songs out loud from his old cassette player! The whole big house can hear the songs, and it was so alive! We were so happy to met our cousins, aunties and uncles. It was just fun!
Wish I could go back to those times once in a while...
Time flies.. If it were not for the orang tua, my grandparents, I dun think the family would gather like we do every year. It is the grandparents that actually unities this family at last once a year, the chinese new year happy time. But now, only left my grandma.. I pray that God give her another happy healthy year to live, and this prayer will be said every year so that she would be given a year after another to enjoy with us!
There is so much things i my mind that I wanna transfer here, but I got no time. I have to get back to my study. Time is running out fast!
:(
Being with family and friends in Sabah for the last 1 week made me forget about all the problems that originate in Kuching. STUDY and LOVE! Hate these two!
Now that I am back here, all the problems hurry up to rush into my mind. So many unpleasant things wait for me here, my 1 bucket unwashed clothes, my dirty room which I noticed no1 has cleaned it recently except the sweeping I did the week before I went back Sabah, my never-ending assignments, Ortho exam preparation, the fucking loneliness that only exist when I come back to Kuching!
I so wanna go back to my family!!!
Was so great that I spent the last week with them. All the must-do during CNY done. We gambled, in which I lost more than rm30 to my cousins. The gossiping among the cousins. Karaoke, but this time wasn't in the house, but in a so-called "proper" kampung newly opened karaoke place, with all the beers, the ladies (they called) to "serve" the man, which is very disgusting to my eyes.
And I saw my uncle at the karaoke! MMM.. We really cant judge people from outside... It is so disappointing to find out that someone we know all this while, someone we respect so much, do something which is not very appropriate.. Dun wanna comment on that, I am no angel too.
This time, ang pau I collected only less than rm 70. The big boss, my uncle decided not to distribute AngPau this year to respect my Grandpa who has passed away recently. Yeah, things a lil bit different this time. If he was around, he would be the first to distribute the Mandarin oranges to his grandchildren, the kids, and Ang Pau too! And last time, I sill remember, when I was a kid, He never missed to play the CHinese New year Songs out loud from his old cassette player! The whole big house can hear the songs, and it was so alive! We were so happy to met our cousins, aunties and uncles. It was just fun!
Wish I could go back to those times once in a while...
Time flies.. If it were not for the orang tua, my grandparents, I dun think the family would gather like we do every year. It is the grandparents that actually unities this family at last once a year, the chinese new year happy time. But now, only left my grandma.. I pray that God give her another happy healthy year to live, and this prayer will be said every year so that she would be given a year after another to enjoy with us!
There is so much things i my mind that I wanna transfer here, but I got no time. I have to get back to my study. Time is running out fast!
:(
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Moody
So not in the mood. Everything seems goes wrong to me. I am so easily irritated and upset. I am upset too many extra people in the BST just now and made me feel so crowded. I feel drowned.
what is wrong with me??? Arghhh...
Weizen, wake up! No time to let the emotion takes control.
Im so upside down this week. Have the last CWU to get rid of, case summaries, forensic report, hostel essay....
And study.
so many things to do in such a short time. Then I have to pack for going back home this friday. Just cant make my soul in peace.
what is wrong with me??? Arghhh...
Weizen, wake up! No time to let the emotion takes control.
Im so upside down this week. Have the last CWU to get rid of, case summaries, forensic report, hostel essay....
And study.
so many things to do in such a short time. Then I have to pack for going back home this friday. Just cant make my soul in peace.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Neglected blog
It has been few days I neglected my blog, or is it few weeks? mmm..
Was not in the mood to write anything. Today is Monday, what I can say is, it is just another buzy Monday.. I just finished a class with Dr. Azani. He showed demos of Knee, Shoulder, and Hip examination. All is for our short case preparation.
My weekend was gone just like that. I couldn't do much, all I did was lying down on the bed to rest because of the headache I got. 4 tablets of PCM, but it was still there. I just dunno what more to say. I am so susceptible to get headache.
Today is Monday right? Yeay! another 4 days then I will fly back to KK then to Labuan. So can't wait to meet my family, especially the lil bro and sis, they are so cute and adorable. Feel like just want t chew their face. Of cuz la, if the elder sister also cute, what more to say bout her other siblings right? *blushing*...
what is in my mind now? MM... so many things.. But one that I want to write it down here is about people around us.
I just feel like nowadays, I am getting more and more prejudice, judgmental towards my own friends.
I am not blaming others for this, but this is what I feel. U know when one friend tells u bad things about another friend, not to say mengumpat la, but may be just expressing what they feel about this friend, u tend to develop the same negative feelings about the other friend too.
Although U actually did not experience the negative incidents with the other friend yourselves, but what is said to u about this friend just somehow sticks to ur mind.
Weird right? Those anatomical and physiological facts that we dying hard to memorize by reading it a millions times again and again, we could only manage to store it in our mind 2-3 pieces out of those facts. But when people tell us bad things about one person, just once.. fuhh!! Nothing left, all stick to our mind and we carry them anywhere we go! Dahsyat Betul!
And when we bump into this friend or are dealing with them, we have this pre-occupied mind with all these negative thinking, negative judgment, or bad impressions towards them, and we also behave badly towards them.
This is what I hate the most! I know it is totally not right to do like that. But sometimes it is just out of control. We involuntarily dislike one person even before we personally know them! And it is just because our mind are poisoned with all those bad thoughts from another person.
Sometimes, I think that, before we judge people, just before the moment our brain has something bad to say about this person, we should reflects it to ourselves first. May be if we were in that person's shoe, we might have done exactly the same thing they did. Or may be the person did something that irritates us with her or his own reasons. I think if all of us try to do that before we set an impression towards someone, be it a good one or a bad one, I believe we all can live in peace and harmony with each other.
But, what can I say.. People are just unique. What I think about Beyonce may be the total opposite of what U think. Sometimes we are lucky because the people that we are dealing with us are tolerable and lenient, they can easily give in to our standard. Problems come when 2 stubborn people with their own principles deal with each other. Each thinks he is right, and the other should listen to him. This is one that hard to deal with. And this is the kind of people most likely we will meet in our everyday live.
So, why not, if people can't give in to our way.. Why not make it the other way round? We try our best to give in to his, I mean of course to certain extent la. We also must have our own say and principles, we all have backbones!
Was not in the mood to write anything. Today is Monday, what I can say is, it is just another buzy Monday.. I just finished a class with Dr. Azani. He showed demos of Knee, Shoulder, and Hip examination. All is for our short case preparation.
My weekend was gone just like that. I couldn't do much, all I did was lying down on the bed to rest because of the headache I got. 4 tablets of PCM, but it was still there. I just dunno what more to say. I am so susceptible to get headache.
Today is Monday right? Yeay! another 4 days then I will fly back to KK then to Labuan. So can't wait to meet my family, especially the lil bro and sis, they are so cute and adorable. Feel like just want t chew their face. Of cuz la, if the elder sister also cute, what more to say bout her other siblings right? *blushing*...
what is in my mind now? MM... so many things.. But one that I want to write it down here is about people around us.
I just feel like nowadays, I am getting more and more prejudice, judgmental towards my own friends.
I am not blaming others for this, but this is what I feel. U know when one friend tells u bad things about another friend, not to say mengumpat la, but may be just expressing what they feel about this friend, u tend to develop the same negative feelings about the other friend too.
Although U actually did not experience the negative incidents with the other friend yourselves, but what is said to u about this friend just somehow sticks to ur mind.
Weird right? Those anatomical and physiological facts that we dying hard to memorize by reading it a millions times again and again, we could only manage to store it in our mind 2-3 pieces out of those facts. But when people tell us bad things about one person, just once.. fuhh!! Nothing left, all stick to our mind and we carry them anywhere we go! Dahsyat Betul!
And when we bump into this friend or are dealing with them, we have this pre-occupied mind with all these negative thinking, negative judgment, or bad impressions towards them, and we also behave badly towards them.
This is what I hate the most! I know it is totally not right to do like that. But sometimes it is just out of control. We involuntarily dislike one person even before we personally know them! And it is just because our mind are poisoned with all those bad thoughts from another person.
Sometimes, I think that, before we judge people, just before the moment our brain has something bad to say about this person, we should reflects it to ourselves first. May be if we were in that person's shoe, we might have done exactly the same thing they did. Or may be the person did something that irritates us with her or his own reasons. I think if all of us try to do that before we set an impression towards someone, be it a good one or a bad one, I believe we all can live in peace and harmony with each other.
But, what can I say.. People are just unique. What I think about Beyonce may be the total opposite of what U think. Sometimes we are lucky because the people that we are dealing with us are tolerable and lenient, they can easily give in to our standard. Problems come when 2 stubborn people with their own principles deal with each other. Each thinks he is right, and the other should listen to him. This is one that hard to deal with. And this is the kind of people most likely we will meet in our everyday live.
So, why not, if people can't give in to our way.. Why not make it the other way round? We try our best to give in to his, I mean of course to certain extent la. We also must have our own say and principles, we all have backbones!
Monday, February 1, 2010
pressure
I feel so bored right now, despite all the unending, pending works waiting for me.
These are the work targets that I have to shoot off before next Friday:
These are the work targets that I have to shoot off before next Friday:
- 3 Case Write Ups
- Yet to be counted Case Summaries
- Forensic Report
- Hostel Essay
My brain and my physical body are just too exhausted tonight, after whole day being in the hospital standing, walking around seeing patients, practising physical examination that I am now still can't master it, then a BST session with Prof. Anam.
I weighed myself just now. The scale points to 46.5kg. I dun like the .5 at the back, so I round it up. SO... It turns to------> 47kg!!! Yeah, I am now 47kg!!! Great Weizen! Good work weizen!
I was also maintained my kg number to be 45. Ever since I want to save my money on food and decided to cook myself, I started to gain weight. Weird right? It is not actually. Because when I cook, I tend to cook more than what my stomach can actually accommodate, afraid that I might not have enough if I cook less. So I always have an extra. The problem when I cook, whether it tastes nice or taste like shit, I always love the food that I dun have the heart to throw it. Because there are times that I really run out of money and I have to survive for 2 weeks just with rm50, and it teaches me how precious food is when u r in hunger and poverty. At the end, I had to finish it all. ANd that's how I gain those extra kg..
I just dunno why, there is always an opposite force inside of me that whenever I feel like what to do something, often, it is the contrary that I do.
Like, I wanna lose weight. And I told myself not to devour like giant, just eat when hungry and moderately. Dun eat and then just sleep.
But guess what? Instead, I eat, eat, eat! I eat my heart out, like there is no tomorrow. I eat greedily. Even though at times when I actually not hungry, the food is always in my mind that it triggers me to look for it everywhere, in the fridge, whatever I have, biscuits, keropok, and the killing fat-storing chocolate! This happens especially when I study at home. I just cant sit sill and focus my damn attention to the book. Every few minutes my mind will drop by the food section and ask, what to eat ah? feel like want to eat la.. And I just can't control the reflex that comes after it, my feet will automatically stand up and walk out the room towards the fridge and my eyes fiercely look for any food that I can eat at that moment.
But so weird that when I study at library or anywhere outside the room when there is time that I have to kill by studying, my impulse for food is not that strong. I guess this is psychological. I am so in my comfort zone whenever I am in my room, studying on my own table with my belongings and the FOOD around me. Because I can simply eat while studying, and whenever I am tired of reading I can just hit the pillow and throw myself onto the bed, at anytime I want! Whereas outside the room like in the library, obviously I can't pamper myself too much like what I do in the room. Eating? feel so malu ma, this girl itu mulut tidak pandai berenti, makan saja dari tadi. that's what people will say in their mind if they see me eat and eat. And if get tired, I bviously can't simply sleep on the table, it s embarrassing!
What I am saying is that, We have to have the force to move, to resist the unwanted. Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone to make ourselves better. Because it is the force that pressure us from outside makes us want to fight it back, and improve ourselves at the same time.
Just like today in the morning, I supposed to have a class at 8am. So I woke up at around 6.30am and got myself ready and had some light breakfast, and plan to do some reading since I have a lot more to read about orthopaedics. By the time I got myself ready, it was already 7.15am, and I feel like what?! So fast?! Means I have only 30 min to read?! I need to read first before I go to the class! and so I quickly set my mind and focusing on the reading. Not long after that I received a sms from our group leader that our class postponed to half an hour later. From a focusing concentrating me, my mind become lax, and the attention slow down and start to turn to other things like looking at the mirror to make my hair, opened up my Window Media Player to play some songs, popping into facebook! The focus had already lost! This is typical human being right? when given just a little bit freedom, we tend to deviate ourselves from the main target. Only when we are under pressure that we can really set our brain, mind, heart and soul to something that we are forced to work on. If it was not for the Sms, I might have just guai guai studying..
Aii... I am no special, just another typical human being that always find excuse to work. Accept me.
I weighed myself just now. The scale points to 46.5kg. I dun like the .5 at the back, so I round it up. SO... It turns to------> 47kg!!! Yeah, I am now 47kg!!! Great Weizen! Good work weizen!
I was also maintained my kg number to be 45. Ever since I want to save my money on food and decided to cook myself, I started to gain weight. Weird right? It is not actually. Because when I cook, I tend to cook more than what my stomach can actually accommodate, afraid that I might not have enough if I cook less. So I always have an extra. The problem when I cook, whether it tastes nice or taste like shit, I always love the food that I dun have the heart to throw it. Because there are times that I really run out of money and I have to survive for 2 weeks just with rm50, and it teaches me how precious food is when u r in hunger and poverty. At the end, I had to finish it all. ANd that's how I gain those extra kg..
I just dunno why, there is always an opposite force inside of me that whenever I feel like what to do something, often, it is the contrary that I do.
Like, I wanna lose weight. And I told myself not to devour like giant, just eat when hungry and moderately. Dun eat and then just sleep.
But guess what? Instead, I eat, eat, eat! I eat my heart out, like there is no tomorrow. I eat greedily. Even though at times when I actually not hungry, the food is always in my mind that it triggers me to look for it everywhere, in the fridge, whatever I have, biscuits, keropok, and the killing fat-storing chocolate! This happens especially when I study at home. I just cant sit sill and focus my damn attention to the book. Every few minutes my mind will drop by the food section and ask, what to eat ah? feel like want to eat la.. And I just can't control the reflex that comes after it, my feet will automatically stand up and walk out the room towards the fridge and my eyes fiercely look for any food that I can eat at that moment.
But so weird that when I study at library or anywhere outside the room when there is time that I have to kill by studying, my impulse for food is not that strong. I guess this is psychological. I am so in my comfort zone whenever I am in my room, studying on my own table with my belongings and the FOOD around me. Because I can simply eat while studying, and whenever I am tired of reading I can just hit the pillow and throw myself onto the bed, at anytime I want! Whereas outside the room like in the library, obviously I can't pamper myself too much like what I do in the room. Eating? feel so malu ma, this girl itu mulut tidak pandai berenti, makan saja dari tadi. that's what people will say in their mind if they see me eat and eat. And if get tired, I bviously can't simply sleep on the table, it s embarrassing!
What I am saying is that, We have to have the force to move, to resist the unwanted. Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone to make ourselves better. Because it is the force that pressure us from outside makes us want to fight it back, and improve ourselves at the same time.
Just like today in the morning, I supposed to have a class at 8am. So I woke up at around 6.30am and got myself ready and had some light breakfast, and plan to do some reading since I have a lot more to read about orthopaedics. By the time I got myself ready, it was already 7.15am, and I feel like what?! So fast?! Means I have only 30 min to read?! I need to read first before I go to the class! and so I quickly set my mind and focusing on the reading. Not long after that I received a sms from our group leader that our class postponed to half an hour later. From a focusing concentrating me, my mind become lax, and the attention slow down and start to turn to other things like looking at the mirror to make my hair, opened up my Window Media Player to play some songs, popping into facebook! The focus had already lost! This is typical human being right? when given just a little bit freedom, we tend to deviate ourselves from the main target. Only when we are under pressure that we can really set our brain, mind, heart and soul to something that we are forced to work on. If it was not for the Sms, I might have just guai guai studying..
Aii... I am no special, just another typical human being that always find excuse to work. Accept me.
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