dream

I just bought myself Cleo Magazine. I like to read funky magazines like this, full with useful informations, especially those related to make-ups. My fav!
It makes me sad to look at the mirror. What I see is a short, plump girl with sparse hairs on the head, face with acnes around the cheeks, oiled T-zone, uneven skin tone, sparse eyebrows. On top of that, my buldging tummy...........
Huhu...
Can I change my physical look? There are so many ranges of facial product out there. Some can cost up to my monthly allowance I receive from Petronas. Wish I have the money to treat my face nice. MM.. I patiently wait. Wait till I work..
Now, It is survey time. No money, means I could only afford to window shopping. Gathering all the info of each products they offered in the market, and when I have the money, I ll make them mine!
So time like this, Cleo magazine offers me very useful info. There are so many make-ups products that I would like to try, like Marjolica, Anna Sui, but they are way expensive for a student like me. Hmm... wait, wait, and wait with faith. I will have those in my cupboard someday!
There are also many slimming centres around. But which one is really works? Well, that is my job now, while waiting for my own money. I dun want to become thin, just want to get rid of the extra fat on my tummy and my arms. They are but ugly. Ugly, awful.
MM.. my mind now keeps on thinking what things I will grab onc I have the power. These ones:

1. Subscribe Cleo Magazine
   This is cheaper than to buy one every month. The most important thing of all is to be the early birds to subscribe & get the free gifts!
2. Treat myself at the slimming centre
   May be Marie Bodyline, Slimworld? I dunno. Haven't figured it out yet.
3. Pick up healthy lifestyle
   By consuming healthy products like Bird nest, Brand's...
4. Facial cares
   Will indulge myself at the beauty spa or facial shops more often!
5. Get my hair highlighted
   What colour? MM, may be not-so-obvious red? or any one that will give me a bit of Mat Salleh look..
   
6. Smells nice & expensive
   Wanna try out one of those branded perfumes. They are longer lasting.
   
7. Permanently whiten my teeth
   My teeth are yellowish. Euuwww...
   
8. And many many more...........

I cant wait!!

reflection

The last exam of Year 4 has finally ended. Now I am officially a final year student.

MM... wonder how would it be to spend the last year in medical scool. Sounds so scaryy.... at the end of this last year, a big important exam, an exam that will determine whether I am qualified or not to practice as a doctor, waits for me.

Medical school... MM, overall, I dun enjoy it. Not because of the syllabus, not the academic. But the life here. I live day by day. A day feels like a year. Feel so abandoned. Feel lonely. Very lonely. Life here as a student, no income, no extra money, no car, really limits my life, it sucks. I can't wait to finish so that I can finally have my own money every month, have my own car. So that no matter how life sucks, I can still drive myself around, buy myself beautiful dress, go to slimming center to burn my fat, or just go traveling, get my butt out of it!

I hope I can have my own house when I work. Just a small simple house. But I will make it the most comfortable house ever! I believe work & life as a doctor, especially a HO, would be very miserable. Work like there is no tomorrow. So I want a house that whenever I come back from hospital, gives me a total serenity. Will make it 'air-con'ed, nowadays the whether burns my skin. The sun is no more a friendly creature. It becomes more powerful each day. My sunburnt skin has stil not recovered yet. Then I will buy the glow-in-the-dark decorating stars & paste it onto the wall just above my bed. So that every night before I sleep, the stars lullaby me with its beautiful shape & light. Whenever I am stressed, lonely, I will drive myself to a place, may be to the beach, to watch the stars. Cuz the stars are so beautiful! They twinkle as if they are dancing, the sound of the wave are like their music. While they dance, they transmit the power, power of healing, power of peace, power of beauty. They have the affinity to me & get absorbed to my blood. Travel & circulate to the whole body, and there I am, alive again!!!

But of course, at the same time, I still want to enjoy the present. I dun want to leave this medical school with empty-handed. I want to leave behind some beautiful moments to be remembered. So that I have at least something to be proud of being UNIMAS student. I dun want to waste today just to wait for tomorrow. I want to live today, every second, every moment to reach tomorrow. Because we will never know, today could b our last day...

kuching again

Kuching, here I am again.
So not want to come back here. Life is so lonely here. So lonely....
Wish I have a fren, a best fren, to talk whenever I am haunted by this feelings. But It is so hard to find one. One truly best friend. Need someone to understand me without me to speak much. Want someone to make me laugh & tell me jokes.

Kundasang, Sabah March 2010