Fall in love.
But I guess, 6787 will just rest in my memory.
This week, would be the last chance, for me to say what I want to say. But i know, like the previous weeks, I wouldn't have the chance.
This will be the last week I see 6787.
Will never see 6787 again...
" Hey... Hi.. :) ... ermm, Ya, just wanna say hi..
MM.. Actually, it has been a long time, I wanna say hi, but I don't have the chance.
But mm.. Im going to leave next week. So mm, I might not have the chance to say hi again. So mm, I guess I'd better say now. ya...
Btw, Im W, U r?
Have no bad intention, u know.. just wanna be friends.. :)... "
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Less than 12 hours to my Final Exam result!
Exactly!!!
I am not so nervous now compared to the few minutes before going in to the exam yesterday.
But tomorrow, I will be nervous, my hands will shake, like I never before.
Tomorrow will be the announcement of my Final Professional Exam result. The exam that had put me into a lot of things. Depression, insomnia, disappointment, moments of giving up, caffeine intoxication.
I wonder, who works so hard like shit, other than the medical students, just to get the degree..
My room is nothing more than a Reban Ayam.
I slept with the books. My bed full with the notes. I've got no time to sweep the floor. Everything is just everywhere.
One point, I drank 4 cups of black arabia coffee from McD. And the next thing I get from it, was, my first ever gastric pain!
It was hell.
It was a continuum of learning process.
The pre-exam, during exam, and post- exam period. It sucks.
But this is what we call life, right?
Without all this, there is no chills in it.
I kinda like it, the moment of stress, how it feels, like a one-second next to dying. It gives me the thrill. And I am a person who loves thrill.
And tomorrow, will be the height of the greatest thrill that would happen to me, so far in my life.
The moment of true thrill.
Let me tell you how will they announce our result tomorrow.
They will call us one by one. Only those who passed. Those who missed, are those who failed, and need another 6 months to go through the same cycle of suffering again.
Those who will be called, will have a DR. pre-fix to their name. And they ll go up to the stage to get some letter or cert I don't know.
The problem is, my dad, Justin Anjim, named me Weizen. A name which always down down down the list. Can you imagine the stress that will on my shoulder tomorrow? Of course, mine wouldn't be as terrible as the one who has his name the last in the list!
Huhuhuhu...................
Will I pass? Will I carry the title Doctor tomorrow? Or will I have to wait for another 6 months here in Kuching, just to be reassessed?
I am in total numbness now. I don't feel the fear, the chills ( yet!).
I just hope everything will be fine. Graduate will all my friends. Leave no one behind..
Keeping my fingers crossed!!!
I am not so nervous now compared to the few minutes before going in to the exam yesterday.
But tomorrow, I will be nervous, my hands will shake, like I never before.
Tomorrow will be the announcement of my Final Professional Exam result. The exam that had put me into a lot of things. Depression, insomnia, disappointment, moments of giving up, caffeine intoxication.
I wonder, who works so hard like shit, other than the medical students, just to get the degree..
My room is nothing more than a Reban Ayam.
I slept with the books. My bed full with the notes. I've got no time to sweep the floor. Everything is just everywhere.
One point, I drank 4 cups of black arabia coffee from McD. And the next thing I get from it, was, my first ever gastric pain!
It was hell.
It was a continuum of learning process.
The pre-exam, during exam, and post- exam period. It sucks.
But this is what we call life, right?
Without all this, there is no chills in it.
I kinda like it, the moment of stress, how it feels, like a one-second next to dying. It gives me the thrill. And I am a person who loves thrill.
And tomorrow, will be the height of the greatest thrill that would happen to me, so far in my life.
The moment of true thrill.
Let me tell you how will they announce our result tomorrow.
They will call us one by one. Only those who passed. Those who missed, are those who failed, and need another 6 months to go through the same cycle of suffering again.
Those who will be called, will have a DR. pre-fix to their name. And they ll go up to the stage to get some letter or cert I don't know.
The problem is, my dad, Justin Anjim, named me Weizen. A name which always down down down the list. Can you imagine the stress that will on my shoulder tomorrow? Of course, mine wouldn't be as terrible as the one who has his name the last in the list!
Huhuhuhu...................
Will I pass? Will I carry the title Doctor tomorrow? Or will I have to wait for another 6 months here in Kuching, just to be reassessed?
I am in total numbness now. I don't feel the fear, the chills ( yet!).
I just hope everything will be fine. Graduate will all my friends. Leave no one behind..
Keeping my fingers crossed!!!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
cheappy bitchy
I just got myself 2bras. Kekeke.. ***Shut up!!!****
Wear and Tear. It is time to replace the old ones.
Should have bought it during sales.
Talking about bra, it reminds me of one girl.
This girl, I find her, sometimes so irritating, because she is, a copy cat. And she is so envious, she likes to compare what she has with others. Including breast size!
I didn't notice all this in the beginning.
There was one time when we need to order self-designed shirt, and we had to put our size on the order list. The thing was, they didn't give us sample, so I was scared that I might take the wrong size.
So we decided to measure ourselves. So when it came to the chest size, this girl measured hers first, then mine. And then, she suddenly shock and jumped out in joy.
She said, " oh so it seems that our size are the same!" (Smiling happily)
Then, Me and another friend looked at each other, why was she like that? Blurr.
Then only I found out that, she was happy, simply because her size was "comparable" to mine. (what the hell!)
Hello????
Girl, the relative appearance of breasts size is depend on what kind of bra you wear.
Some bra push the breast down, and makes it looks relatively small. While some girls with small breast ( like yours, sadly...) when wear a push-up bra obviously makes the breast fuller and bigger!
And apparently, at that time I was wearing my wrongly bought downsize one.
and this girl, was so happy just because our measurements read about the same number.
From the bottom of my heart, I have no intention or whatsoever to say I have a fantastic size. Cuz i just DON'T. But I am very thankful to have what I have.
I Just feel that, there is no need to compare, and then gave a evil smile and be happy just because you think yours are as the same size with someone else. ( apakah??)
Hello girl??? It is all because u are wearing a push-up one.
So obvious that all this while, she was comparing herself in many ways, with others.
Not only the brassier issue. Many other things, that from times to times, she seems to try to have what others have.
Come on girl, do not be a copy cat. Have your own style!
When I got myself a fringe, not long after that, she has it too.
Not long after I got my hair waves, I heard she said, " I've been longing for a curl hair.."
And the most sickening is, she loves to buy tops that have the similar design with others. I honestly am not boasting, but that's what I see.
I am not stylish myself, jauh panggang dari api. Seriously i am not. I do what I like, I wear what I love.
She would observe what others wear. ( Ya, and the next thing, she would find the similar design)
What the hell!
She used to wear just collar shirt or simple baby T.
One time, I told her that I like to wear those funky butt-long top. In fact, I always wear that kind, those with glimmers on it and she sees it. And the next thing I hear from her, " I like la long shirt". And of course, after that I see her wearing new long tops, with glimmer too..
What the hell!!
MM.. wordless...
Seriously, I don't care what you wear, what style U want to have. I humbly say, I have nothing, really, (not many knows the story of my life), for you to imitate. But it just makes me uncomfortable, and feel sick, you copy what others just do.
One or twice, it was coincidence. But many many many time, it is really, not a coincidence.
On top of that, she quite a bitchy type. She think she has many fans. and very proud to think, that she has rejected many guys.
Perlukah?
When U started to flirt the guy first, like timba mencari perigi, those are not fans ok. You are their fans.
Above all, that is cheap.
Cheap as in giving your number to a mere stranger met in pasar, flirt with someone who dials the wrong number and it turns that you are on the other end.
And the uttermost, cheap as in acting like you are someone's girlfriend, holding his hand, make some sickening pose, touch him, purposely show off your cleavage, when in fact you are not.
Sorry girl, it is nothing but CHEAP.
Please at least, have some standard.
Wear and Tear. It is time to replace the old ones.
Should have bought it during sales.
Talking about bra, it reminds me of one girl.
This girl, I find her, sometimes so irritating, because she is, a copy cat. And she is so envious, she likes to compare what she has with others. Including breast size!
I didn't notice all this in the beginning.
There was one time when we need to order self-designed shirt, and we had to put our size on the order list. The thing was, they didn't give us sample, so I was scared that I might take the wrong size.
So we decided to measure ourselves. So when it came to the chest size, this girl measured hers first, then mine. And then, she suddenly shock and jumped out in joy.
She said, " oh so it seems that our size are the same!" (Smiling happily)
Then, Me and another friend looked at each other, why was she like that? Blurr.
Then only I found out that, she was happy, simply because her size was "comparable" to mine. (what the hell!)
Hello????
Girl, the relative appearance of breasts size is depend on what kind of bra you wear.
Some bra push the breast down, and makes it looks relatively small. While some girls with small breast ( like yours, sadly...) when wear a push-up bra obviously makes the breast fuller and bigger!
And apparently, at that time I was wearing my wrongly bought downsize one.
and this girl, was so happy just because our measurements read about the same number.
From the bottom of my heart, I have no intention or whatsoever to say I have a fantastic size. Cuz i just DON'T. But I am very thankful to have what I have.
I Just feel that, there is no need to compare, and then gave a evil smile and be happy just because you think yours are as the same size with someone else. ( apakah??)
Hello girl??? It is all because u are wearing a push-up one.
So obvious that all this while, she was comparing herself in many ways, with others.
Not only the brassier issue. Many other things, that from times to times, she seems to try to have what others have.
Come on girl, do not be a copy cat. Have your own style!
When I got myself a fringe, not long after that, she has it too.
Not long after I got my hair waves, I heard she said, " I've been longing for a curl hair.."
And the most sickening is, she loves to buy tops that have the similar design with others. I honestly am not boasting, but that's what I see.
I am not stylish myself, jauh panggang dari api. Seriously i am not. I do what I like, I wear what I love.
She would observe what others wear. ( Ya, and the next thing, she would find the similar design)
What the hell!
She used to wear just collar shirt or simple baby T.
One time, I told her that I like to wear those funky butt-long top. In fact, I always wear that kind, those with glimmers on it and she sees it. And the next thing I hear from her, " I like la long shirt". And of course, after that I see her wearing new long tops, with glimmer too..
What the hell!!
MM.. wordless...
Seriously, I don't care what you wear, what style U want to have. I humbly say, I have nothing, really, (not many knows the story of my life), for you to imitate. But it just makes me uncomfortable, and feel sick, you copy what others just do.
One or twice, it was coincidence. But many many many time, it is really, not a coincidence.
On top of that, she quite a bitchy type. She think she has many fans. and very proud to think, that she has rejected many guys.
Perlukah?
When U started to flirt the guy first, like timba mencari perigi, those are not fans ok. You are their fans.
Above all, that is cheap.
Cheap as in giving your number to a mere stranger met in pasar, flirt with someone who dials the wrong number and it turns that you are on the other end.
And the uttermost, cheap as in acting like you are someone's girlfriend, holding his hand, make some sickening pose, touch him, purposely show off your cleavage, when in fact you are not.
Sorry girl, it is nothing but CHEAP.
Please at least, have some standard.
Were You There When They Crucified My Lord?
For the first time, I heard this song sang in church last night, Good Friday Mass.
And that very first time I hear it, I fall in love with it.
I love the lyrics. The words really touch me...
Indeed, the readings for the past week did.
It touches me when a sinless man, the Son of God, die for us while we are sinners. How great the Lord is!
My heart moves when the Lamb of God, who knows that he will be crucified, His heart was troubled, and so He cried out loud to His Father in Heaven "Eli, Eli, Lama Sabachthani?" ( My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?)
I couldn't imagine how heavy was the Cross Jesus carry, that He, the very Son of God, a King himself, made slave by the sinners, made powerless, that he had to ask His Father why He abandoned him.
Yet, in such agony, he humbled himself, and take the cup for the sake of mankind.
"If tis cup can't pass by without my drinking it, let your will be done"
It touches me because I have gone through similar situation. Many a times, I do ask God, why He has forsaken me, in time when I need Him the most?
Why he has to take away my loved ones, when I still need them....
Isn't the same what Jesus asked 2000 years ago? But the cup, he Had to drink it, to fulfill the scripture. So, I take it as such too. Some suffering in life, God allows to happen to us, because He knows what is the best for us, He knows that we can carry the cross, He will never give us a cross that is beyond our strength.
"Lord, I may not know what is your will, but if it is too be done, walk with me Jesus..."
This is the lyrics.
And that very first time I hear it, I fall in love with it.
I love the lyrics. The words really touch me...
Indeed, the readings for the past week did.
It touches me when a sinless man, the Son of God, die for us while we are sinners. How great the Lord is!
My heart moves when the Lamb of God, who knows that he will be crucified, His heart was troubled, and so He cried out loud to His Father in Heaven "Eli, Eli, Lama Sabachthani?" ( My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?)
I couldn't imagine how heavy was the Cross Jesus carry, that He, the very Son of God, a King himself, made slave by the sinners, made powerless, that he had to ask His Father why He abandoned him.
Yet, in such agony, he humbled himself, and take the cup for the sake of mankind.
"If tis cup can't pass by without my drinking it, let your will be done"
It touches me because I have gone through similar situation. Many a times, I do ask God, why He has forsaken me, in time when I need Him the most?
Why he has to take away my loved ones, when I still need them....
Isn't the same what Jesus asked 2000 years ago? But the cup, he Had to drink it, to fulfill the scripture. So, I take it as such too. Some suffering in life, God allows to happen to us, because He knows what is the best for us, He knows that we can carry the cross, He will never give us a cross that is beyond our strength.
"Lord, I may not know what is your will, but if it is too be done, walk with me Jesus..."
This is the lyrics.
Were you there when they crucified my Lord?
Were you there when they crucified my Lord?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble.
Were you there when they crucified my Lord?
Were you there when they nailed him to the tree?
Were you there when they nailed him to the tree?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble.
Were you there when they nailed him to the tree?
Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?
Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble.
Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?
Were you there when God raised him from the tomb?
Were you there when God raised him from the tomb?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble.
Were you there when God raised him from the tomb?
Friday, April 22, 2011
treasure
Why do some people cakap tidak sama bikin punya?
I get disappointed with these kind of people. At one time, he gives you hope, the next you know is, it is nothing but false hope, empty.
Am I too judgmental?
I have no idea.. But I know, I am a person who is very sensitive to these behaviors. Very low threshold. I can easily pick up.
Just by seeing a person's gesture, how a person talks, his actions, I roughly can tell what kind of person he is.
Really, I have sharp eyes.
When I see a person, I see his inner side. I am very, very, very, sensitive, particularly to dishonesty, talking big, money-minded, jealousy- kind of person.
I can tell, who among these, can be my company when I am in trouble, and who are not.
That's why I guess i don't really have many friends that I can call my best buddies.
And that is the very reason why I could never find a guy, I want. :(
Guys can be very sweet-talking. Encounter too many of them. They call you sweetie, dear, darling..
But they are not, at all, persistent.
They are seasonal.
They come when they like, especially when their eyes are stimulated.
These guys are very easy to be fooled.
Just wear some short skirts, sleeveless top that reveals your cleavage, they will surely fall in love with you. And there they are, start calling you dear, sweetie......
That is why, I hate guys who judge girls by the outer appearance.
Any girl can turn into a beauty queen by just some touch-ups.
But which girl, among these, that has the quality?
Guys just don't care, they are the vision-people.
They get high, stimulated with what they see..
Hey boy....
If only you see farther,
deep inside this beating heart,
you would find a treasure,
more beautiful than what you see I look like,
that lasts you the rest of your life.
Guess your eyes aren't sharp as mine.
I get disappointed with these kind of people. At one time, he gives you hope, the next you know is, it is nothing but false hope, empty.
Am I too judgmental?
I have no idea.. But I know, I am a person who is very sensitive to these behaviors. Very low threshold. I can easily pick up.
Just by seeing a person's gesture, how a person talks, his actions, I roughly can tell what kind of person he is.
Really, I have sharp eyes.
When I see a person, I see his inner side. I am very, very, very, sensitive, particularly to dishonesty, talking big, money-minded, jealousy- kind of person.
I can tell, who among these, can be my company when I am in trouble, and who are not.
That's why I guess i don't really have many friends that I can call my best buddies.
And that is the very reason why I could never find a guy, I want. :(
Guys can be very sweet-talking. Encounter too many of them. They call you sweetie, dear, darling..
But they are not, at all, persistent.
They are seasonal.
They come when they like, especially when their eyes are stimulated.
These guys are very easy to be fooled.
Just wear some short skirts, sleeveless top that reveals your cleavage, they will surely fall in love with you. And there they are, start calling you dear, sweetie......
That is why, I hate guys who judge girls by the outer appearance.
Any girl can turn into a beauty queen by just some touch-ups.
But which girl, among these, that has the quality?
Guys just don't care, they are the vision-people.
They get high, stimulated with what they see..
Hey boy....
If only you see farther,
deep inside this beating heart,
you would find a treasure,
more beautiful than what you see I look like,
that lasts you the rest of your life.
Guess your eyes aren't sharp as mine.
Good Friday
So Today is Good Friday.
I missed Holy Thursday Mass last night, due to transportation prob.
Well, that's what happen when you don't have a car. :(
A church member, who always be my good shepherd, picking me and sending me back from church.
She was busy with some Spiritual Triduum thingy that she had to stay back late til 12 am, and I can't afford to go back that late. And so, I didnt go.
As for Good Friday Mass, still waiting for her reply.
Hope I could go.
Love going to church, and sing for Him.
6787, too. :)
Went to hospital in the morning, to practise PE. Today is the last day we are allowed to go to ward. Huhu..
Few more days to my last day of exam, the biggest, toughest one. 4days more.
And I just finished reading HPT CPG, only!!!
That's what happen if people like me left along in the room, unsupervised.
The radios is on, while watching Korean Series, at the same time reading the CPG!
Multitasking ya Monica? ( yes, Weizen.. :P)
When nice song is on the air, I'll jump put of my chair and my body will start move with the music. Hehe.. Only God knows what the hell I am doing in the room (seriously!!! I am too embarassed to tell it here..)
By the way, some friends in FB speak up their unsatisfactory about some lecturer giving answers during our theory paper exam.
Seems that they feel unfair for Lec to give answer to only those who raised up theirs hands and asked. Instead, Lec should be fair and give the answer to everybody.
So the prob that I can see here is, Siapa dapat dia gembira, Siapa tidak dapat dia sakit hati.
Well, I have different view here. I don't think we should get upset, cause the lec are trying their best ( which is so obvious) to help us. See, Prof KT even encouraged us to ask, and trying to tell us, if we ask, they might give us clue. (of cuz not all the lec).
I believe, if they could, they would, really, to help each of us by giving the answer. But how could they? while there was one external evaluator keeping her eyes on us. And so, the best they can do is, to help us so-called "secretely".
And of course, they can't afford to tell every student the answer by going to one table and the next, isn't it? And that would be unnecessary, cuz some students might know the answer and do not need their help. So again, the best they can do was, by helping those students who asked.
And many were angry because there was one lec that said those who didn't asked are bodoh sombong. I felt upset too, how on earth did we know that he expected us to ask. And it was not that we didn't want to ask, but we did not know what to ask! Not that we didnt understand the question, but we simpy, didnt know the answer, and we want the answer! But how can we ask the answer...
"Prof, sorry Prof, can you just give me the answer already! cuz i am so damn that i don't know the answer?" like that? heheh...
But then, since he said that, I took the advantage of "asking" for the next paper. At least they can give me clue for some question, it was more than enough.
And so, my conclusion is, instead of getting angry of lecture giving answer, at this time, we should grab the oppurtunity ( which was obviously, purposely, given to us) by asking! Wasn't it what they asked us, at the first place?
The Moral of the story is, bagi susah, tak bagi pun susah. Lu pikir la sendiri ( Nabil)
I missed Holy Thursday Mass last night, due to transportation prob.
Well, that's what happen when you don't have a car. :(
A church member, who always be my good shepherd, picking me and sending me back from church.
She was busy with some Spiritual Triduum thingy that she had to stay back late til 12 am, and I can't afford to go back that late. And so, I didnt go.
As for Good Friday Mass, still waiting for her reply.
Hope I could go.
Love going to church, and sing for Him.
6787, too. :)
Went to hospital in the morning, to practise PE. Today is the last day we are allowed to go to ward. Huhu..
Few more days to my last day of exam, the biggest, toughest one. 4days more.
And I just finished reading HPT CPG, only!!!
That's what happen if people like me left along in the room, unsupervised.
The radios is on, while watching Korean Series, at the same time reading the CPG!
Multitasking ya Monica? ( yes, Weizen.. :P)
When nice song is on the air, I'll jump put of my chair and my body will start move with the music. Hehe.. Only God knows what the hell I am doing in the room (seriously!!! I am too embarassed to tell it here..)
By the way, some friends in FB speak up their unsatisfactory about some lecturer giving answers during our theory paper exam.
Seems that they feel unfair for Lec to give answer to only those who raised up theirs hands and asked. Instead, Lec should be fair and give the answer to everybody.
So the prob that I can see here is, Siapa dapat dia gembira, Siapa tidak dapat dia sakit hati.
Well, I have different view here. I don't think we should get upset, cause the lec are trying their best ( which is so obvious) to help us. See, Prof KT even encouraged us to ask, and trying to tell us, if we ask, they might give us clue. (of cuz not all the lec).
I believe, if they could, they would, really, to help each of us by giving the answer. But how could they? while there was one external evaluator keeping her eyes on us. And so, the best they can do is, to help us so-called "secretely".
And of course, they can't afford to tell every student the answer by going to one table and the next, isn't it? And that would be unnecessary, cuz some students might know the answer and do not need their help. So again, the best they can do was, by helping those students who asked.
And many were angry because there was one lec that said those who didn't asked are bodoh sombong. I felt upset too, how on earth did we know that he expected us to ask. And it was not that we didn't want to ask, but we did not know what to ask! Not that we didnt understand the question, but we simpy, didnt know the answer, and we want the answer! But how can we ask the answer...
"Prof, sorry Prof, can you just give me the answer already! cuz i am so damn that i don't know the answer?" like that? heheh...
But then, since he said that, I took the advantage of "asking" for the next paper. At least they can give me clue for some question, it was more than enough.
And so, my conclusion is, instead of getting angry of lecture giving answer, at this time, we should grab the oppurtunity ( which was obviously, purposely, given to us) by asking! Wasn't it what they asked us, at the first place?
The Moral of the story is, bagi susah, tak bagi pun susah. Lu pikir la sendiri ( Nabil)
An Imagination
All of sudden, I feel like wearing a beach dress, a long one, with tube top...
Dancing at the beach, under the starry sky, and the full bright moon...
Dance, dance, and dance.....
I imagine I inhale the air, slowly and deeply..
While the wind, softly kiss my cheek...
and blow my dress..
I can feel the delicate dress being blown against my body...
How nice...
Nicer, if loved one hug me from the back...
:P
Dancing at the beach, under the starry sky, and the full bright moon...
Dance, dance, and dance.....
I imagine I inhale the air, slowly and deeply..
While the wind, softly kiss my cheek...
and blow my dress..
I can feel the delicate dress being blown against my body...
How nice...
Nicer, if loved one hug me from the back...
:P
Thursday, April 21, 2011
day after the exam
Tried log in many times, but failed.
At last, here I am in my blog.
Have been laid back the whole day, after the exhausting exam.
Seriously, exam is not just tiring, but exhausting.
It drained out all of my energy, inside and out.
What more with this very important exam, Final Exam that will decide whether or not, I will be a doctor.
Next week, just another 7days, at this time, I should have already knew my result.
And I hope, it will be a good news.
Either way, my tears will surely drop.
I hope, really hope with all my heart, it will be a tear of Joy.
Please Lord Jesus.. Help me pass..
These few days, indeed few months, I have been thinking.
Thinking about 6787.
It seems that, til this moment, at least 2 weeks before I leave Kuching.
God still refuse to answer my prayer.
He only give me 6787.
Every week I come back, disappointed.
It happened for few months.
I put so much hope. Cuz I really want to know 6787.
I think I am gonna leave Kuching without getting to know 6787.
Or may be I will never meet 6787 anymore after this.
Feel sad...
Or may be I should stay?
Oh my...
How can I stay, putting myself into so much risk for a stranger?
What will i get after that?
Oh.. I am really sad now.
My intention is pure, nothing more than to turn a stranger into a friend.
Yet, noone knows about this.
It is even more saddening when U sad, U cant tell other people about it.
I just cant seem to find a very good friend around me, here, just to share my feelings.
That is why, I feel so suffocated here.
The only one I can turn to is, Jesus.
He knows everything, even before I tell him.
Oh Lord, how great temptation you are putting me in.
Though I know, there's nothing beyond your control.
You know my limit, that is why you let all these things happen.
Mummy, loved one...
The problem being alone when these things crossed my mind is, I cant control my tear...
Lord, please send someone for me..
Cuz i think I have been independent for too long..
It is time Lord, for me to share everything, EVERYTHING, with someone I can count on, for the rest of my life...
It is not that there is none, there is.
But I just cant find the chemical in between.
Physical is not my priority.
The inside, is what I am looking for..
Some, judge me from my appearance. But how can U trust them then? What'll happen if someday, Lord decide to put scar on my face? or when wrinkles overtaking the youth?
Some, too much of sweet words.. How can I trust these too? How can I tell whether they tell the truth or they just pulling my leg?
One, is very nice, perfect. No one ever loved me as he had. Never, I swear. No one, has ever loved me more than himself. No one can beat him. But seems that he is just one of the temptation God sent... To test me, whether I choose him or Him...
My tears is dropping...
At last, here I am in my blog.
Have been laid back the whole day, after the exhausting exam.
Seriously, exam is not just tiring, but exhausting.
It drained out all of my energy, inside and out.
What more with this very important exam, Final Exam that will decide whether or not, I will be a doctor.
Next week, just another 7days, at this time, I should have already knew my result.
And I hope, it will be a good news.
Either way, my tears will surely drop.
I hope, really hope with all my heart, it will be a tear of Joy.
Please Lord Jesus.. Help me pass..
These few days, indeed few months, I have been thinking.
Thinking about 6787.
It seems that, til this moment, at least 2 weeks before I leave Kuching.
God still refuse to answer my prayer.
He only give me 6787.
Every week I come back, disappointed.
It happened for few months.
I put so much hope. Cuz I really want to know 6787.
I think I am gonna leave Kuching without getting to know 6787.
Or may be I will never meet 6787 anymore after this.
Feel sad...
Or may be I should stay?
Oh my...
How can I stay, putting myself into so much risk for a stranger?
What will i get after that?
Oh.. I am really sad now.
My intention is pure, nothing more than to turn a stranger into a friend.
Yet, noone knows about this.
It is even more saddening when U sad, U cant tell other people about it.
I just cant seem to find a very good friend around me, here, just to share my feelings.
That is why, I feel so suffocated here.
The only one I can turn to is, Jesus.
He knows everything, even before I tell him.
Oh Lord, how great temptation you are putting me in.
Though I know, there's nothing beyond your control.
You know my limit, that is why you let all these things happen.
Mummy, loved one...
The problem being alone when these things crossed my mind is, I cant control my tear...
Lord, please send someone for me..
Cuz i think I have been independent for too long..
It is time Lord, for me to share everything, EVERYTHING, with someone I can count on, for the rest of my life...
It is not that there is none, there is.
But I just cant find the chemical in between.
Physical is not my priority.
The inside, is what I am looking for..
Some, judge me from my appearance. But how can U trust them then? What'll happen if someday, Lord decide to put scar on my face? or when wrinkles overtaking the youth?
Some, too much of sweet words.. How can I trust these too? How can I tell whether they tell the truth or they just pulling my leg?
One, is very nice, perfect. No one ever loved me as he had. Never, I swear. No one, has ever loved me more than himself. No one can beat him. But seems that he is just one of the temptation God sent... To test me, whether I choose him or Him...
My tears is dropping...
Friday, April 15, 2011
Hey you boy
Boy, You don't deserve me.
I could barely hang on.
You are very selfish. very.
With or without you, it is just the same.
You missed so much of my life.
You don't deserve me.
Really, You just don't..
I could barely hang on.
You are very selfish. very.
With or without you, it is just the same.
You missed so much of my life.
You don't deserve me.
Really, You just don't..
This very battle
In this very battle, here I am, left alone, expected to go through all this pain, independently.
They, only wait at the end of the line. Expecting me to arrive and win the game.
I feel so alone. I miss my mom. Very.
At this time, how i wish she is here with me.
This is the question, that no one can answer.
I wonder, how would it feels like, to have a loving mother stand by your side when you are in a state loneliness, helplessness.
I am so envy, so jealous. I want that too. I want, like my friends, to give a call to their mom, and talk to them, tell them everything when they are in great tension.
But I, cant. I cant...
Here I am, broken, and crying.
I feel so weak. And yet, I have to finish this.
This is very heavy.
I just wish just, wish, that there is someone here, at this very time, to give me a hug.
Just a hug, i dun need other things, just a hug.
Cuz i am very lonely very lonely.
Oh Lord, how much more should I bear. I really wish that you ll send someone who truly cares for me.
Cuz i am tired lord, really. To have gone all this way along, just by myself.
I am tired..
They, only wait at the end of the line. Expecting me to arrive and win the game.
I feel so alone. I miss my mom. Very.
At this time, how i wish she is here with me.
This is the question, that no one can answer.
I wonder, how would it feels like, to have a loving mother stand by your side when you are in a state loneliness, helplessness.
I am so envy, so jealous. I want that too. I want, like my friends, to give a call to their mom, and talk to them, tell them everything when they are in great tension.
But I, cant. I cant...
Here I am, broken, and crying.
I feel so weak. And yet, I have to finish this.
This is very heavy.
I just wish just, wish, that there is someone here, at this very time, to give me a hug.
Just a hug, i dun need other things, just a hug.
Cuz i am very lonely very lonely.
Oh Lord, how much more should I bear. I really wish that you ll send someone who truly cares for me.
Cuz i am tired lord, really. To have gone all this way along, just by myself.
I am tired..
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