day after the exam

Tried log in many times, but failed.
At last, here I am in my blog.
Have been laid back the whole day, after the exhausting exam.
Seriously, exam is not just tiring, but exhausting.
It drained out all of my energy, inside and out.
What more with this very important exam, Final Exam that will decide whether or not, I will be a doctor.

Next week, just another 7days, at this time, I should have already knew my result.
And I hope, it will be a good news.
Either way, my tears will surely drop.
I hope, really hope with all my heart, it will be a tear of Joy.
Please Lord Jesus.. Help me pass..

These few days, indeed few months, I have been thinking.
Thinking about 6787.
It seems that, til this moment, at least 2 weeks before I leave Kuching.
God still refuse to answer my prayer.
He only give me 6787.
Every week I come back, disappointed.
It happened for few months.
I put so much hope. Cuz I really want to know 6787.
I think I am gonna leave Kuching without getting to know 6787.
Or may be I will never meet 6787 anymore after this.
Feel sad...

Or may be I should stay?
Oh my...
How can I stay, putting myself into so much risk for a stranger?
What will i get after that?
Oh.. I am really sad now.
My intention is pure, nothing more than to turn a stranger into a friend.
Yet, noone knows about this.

It is even more saddening when U sad, U cant tell other people about it.
I just cant seem to find a very good friend around me, here, just to share my feelings.
That is why, I feel so suffocated here.

The only one I can turn to is, Jesus.
He knows everything, even before I tell him.
Oh Lord, how great temptation you are putting me in.
Though I know, there's nothing beyond your control.
You know my limit, that is why you let all these things happen.
Mummy, loved one...
The problem being alone when these things crossed my mind is, I cant control my tear...

Lord, please send someone for me..
Cuz i think I have been independent for too long..
It is time Lord, for me to share everything, EVERYTHING, with someone I can count on, for the rest of my life...

It is not that there is none, there is.
But I just cant find the chemical in between.
Physical is not my priority.
The inside, is what I am looking for..

Some, judge me from my appearance. But how can U trust them then? What'll happen if someday, Lord decide to put scar on my face? or when wrinkles overtaking the youth?

Some, too much of sweet words.. How can I trust these too? How can I tell whether they tell the truth or they just pulling my leg?

One, is very nice, perfect. No one ever loved me as he had. Never, I swear. No one, has ever loved me more than himself. No one can beat him. But seems that he is just one of the temptation God sent... To test me, whether I choose him or Him...

My tears is dropping...