Aishiteru

OOOO... I love this song. **jiwang mode**
Just exactly what I feel, for someone out there.

Can I dedicate, forward this song to him, someone whom I will live with in the future? kekekeke..

Sometimes, I just wish, if only i can communicate with him, in my dream?
No to say communicate exactly, but just to see him, in anyway, vision may be? or dream?

I still remember one guy, a friend of mine, told me, that he can communicate with someone in his dream. I asked him how, but he didn't want to share the secret with me. He said, He scared I would do it with other guy, not him. Haha.. Well, he liked me then. I don't know if that kind of thing really exist. But it just sounds unbelievable. And, until now, I don't know his secret, cuz I never answer his love. (that is just typical of Weizy...)

So, to my man, whom will I spend the rest of my life with ( God's Will ), here is the song for you, from me.. Aishiteru...

AISHITERU

Menunggu sesuatu yang sangat menyebalkan bagiku
saat ku harus bersabar dan trus bersabar
menantikan kehadiran dirimu
entah sampai kapan aku harus menunggu
sesuatu yang sangat sulit tuk kujalani
hidup dalam kesendirian sepi tanpamu
kadang kuberpikir cari penggantimu
saat kau jauh disana
ooo…

*
Gelisah sesaat saja tiada kabarmu kucuriga
entah penantianku takkan sia-sia
dan berikan satu jawaban pasti
entah sampai kapan aku harus bertahan
saat kau jauh disana rasa cemburu
merasuk kedalam pikiranku melayang
tak tentu arah tentang dirimu
apakah sama yang kau rasakan

reff:
walau raga kita terpisah jauh
namun hati kita selalu dekat
bila kau rindu pejamkan matamu
dan rasakan a a a aku
kekuatan cinta kita takkan pernah rapuh
terhapus ruang dan waktu
percayakan kesetiaan ini
akan tulus a a ai aishiteru

Bridge:
hapus sendiri pikiran melayang terbang
perasaan resah gelisah
jalani kenyataan hidup tanpa gairah
o…uo..
banyak segala misi dan ambisimu
akhiri semuanya cukup sampai disini
dan buktikan pengorbanan cintamu untukku
kumohon kau kembali

aimless

My routine for the last 5days:

1. wake up the earliest at 10am.
2. Makan nasi lemak
3. Take a nap for at least 2 hours on the afternoon
4. Sleep around 1-2am watching channel 701 (thanx I still have this channel in Astro)

Internet line is very poor.
I do not know what to do.
I wanna jog, but feel so lazy to get myself up and wear my sport shoes.

I feel so sorry that I have to spend my holidays, the precious ones, given only after 5years of sweat, like this..

At times like this, as it usually is. I spend more time thinking.
The thought brings me back to the place where I was 2 last week.
MM.. miracles seems will never cross my path. not even once.
I was hoping to see Mr.6787, anywhere, the church, the street, the shops, anywhere, just anywhere.

I was hoping to bump into any Nissan, but not u.
I was searching for spiky hairs, but not u.
I was hoping to see big eyes, but not u.

Your face (sadly that's the only thing I know about you), stays in my memory.

Phuket

4th day in labuan. I am getting bored already.
Currently enjoying a cup of hot instant coffee, taking my sweet time to blog. (dunno what to write though)
Just settled my return tickets to KL anf Phuket.
Now, only the passport is a prob. Hope it will be done by next week, before I depart.

Can't wait. Yoohoo!!
Gonna go there with my best buddy, pretty stylish Tay. It has been quite a long time I didnt meet that girl.
Phuket gonna be a girl-only trip. Yeehaa!!!
You totally have no idea what these two girls will do in Phuket! ;P
Gonna enjoy myself to the fullest man!

Bikini?
Gonna work out for that lol.
and damn I just have 1 week, to shape up.
And i dun think im gonna make it. hahahahahaha...
Well, many other options aren't there? (evil smile...)
hohohohoho...

Please please, hope everything will be fine. The passport, please...
And these scars on my legs. Thanx to the trip to Satang island last week! Damn!

Anyway, I have some homeworks to do. I havent booked the hotel yet. Gonna survey for that. and I have to learn some basic Thai language. and surf as much as i can about Phuket. Where is nice, what food is yummy, everything. yeahhh!!

Phuket, Phuket, Phuket, Phuket!!!!
yeehaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NREJ, somehow somewhere...

Otherwise, he is good. But somehow, somewhere, I don't see myself there.

But then, after all, how can I throw a premature judgment, only knowing 20% of him?

MM.. 20% ya?

Yup, only 20%. Cuz, the time and the distance don't allow me. Myself, is a real barrier too..

I once decided, weizy, that is not your place...

Somehow, somewhere, the door is never fully closed.

I still keep reasoning. Keep giving excuse. Keep giving chance.

Though, many a times I am contradicting myself. Still. I keep reasoning.

Well, NREJ, SOmehow, Somewhere, you remain my special one, and that is why...

Where do I belonged to?

All of a sudden this question pop up.

Where?

Sadly, no where.

This is the first day of my life, after just ending another in Kuching. Life in The Land Of Hornbill is now neatly kept in my diary.

This is what I feel everytime I go back. Where am I heading to actually? Where am I longing for? Where?

Home? Which home? And where is that home?

And what is home again?

oh. I have almost forgotten what it feels like home.

It has been so long since I really was at home. Years.

Wow.. it is more than 10 years now..

Thinking back. Well... For Christ's sake, I don't belonged to any where. To anyone.

Last 5years, Her-story hidden, by strength. It is written in my eyes, my heart.

Whenever holidays came, I was happy, eager to go back, to meet families.

But each time I finally landed, I suddenly realize, where am I heading to? Where? Who are they that I am so eager to meet?

Despite being so excited to go back, I couldn't tell.... Wow..

The excitement is gone after I landed. Every single time.

So, It is Mother's Day huh?

Every restaurant is fully booked, everyone posts out HappY Mother's Day to their beloved mommy.

Hmmmm...... What more could I say..

Hey, it is written in the drops from my eyes too...

appreciating life....

It is 2.51am, and my eyes are still wide open. Thanx to the long-hours sleep last night.

Currently is breathing the air of joy, the joy of finally finishing my MD, and get the prefix Doctor. The days of relief, when all the pressure, burden of study, exam, results are all taken off my shoulder.

Recalling the seconds of ending my exam. The tears were just out of control, coming down just right after I finished my last short case. It was a tear of mixed feeling. A tear of relief, a tear of freedom. At that very moment, I feel like a prisoner that has just finished serving 50years of his life behind the rail. Feel like to shout, to hug someone I love, and tell them in great joy that "Hey, I have gone through it! I have made it, I have made it!!!"

The last case, I was asked to examine a young 12 year old girl, with previous history of brain tumor. She has craniotomy scar, and tracheostomy scar on her neck. The examiner, after asking me question about the scars, told me, that this girl has been gone through difficult times in her life.

Ya.. I can see that.. It is all written in the tracheostomy scar.... My heart went to her..

Then I proceeded to my examinaton, this girl has CN6 and CN7 palsy. She was so cute, so innocent.. And She was very co-operative, totally different from a usual paediatric examination. I asked her to look at and follow my fingers, she obediently did. I asked her how many finger she saw when I showed her my Index finger, she didnt say much, just naive-ly showed her index finger, telling me she just saw 1 finger.

She touched me. Really...

When I see her, see the scars, scar that has its own story behind, the cranial nerve palsy that the brain tumor left her, I see myself. I see myself in the past 3 weeks, the period of agony, a war with the final exam. What suffering I have gone through...

And what suffering this girl had gone through in her early life... A naive girl....

My tear just wont stop. I feel sad for her, why such an innocent girl, so young, is given such great temptation. I believe, she has missed so much of her childhood life due to the disease. She can't play like other child at her age. She has to wear a thick spectacle to correct her visual impairment. I cried...

But at the same time, I feel a freedom, no more exam, no more burden, it is a moment of liberty.

I cried all the way back into my room..

That moment, was the most memorable time. Not even the time of announcing my result can beat it.

To that little girl, I hope God will bless her life, and give her what she has missed in her life, in other ways. And let her, become the inspiration to others, like me. An inspiration to appreciate life, what we have, and never complain what we lost...