appreciating life....

It is 2.51am, and my eyes are still wide open. Thanx to the long-hours sleep last night.

Currently is breathing the air of joy, the joy of finally finishing my MD, and get the prefix Doctor. The days of relief, when all the pressure, burden of study, exam, results are all taken off my shoulder.

Recalling the seconds of ending my exam. The tears were just out of control, coming down just right after I finished my last short case. It was a tear of mixed feeling. A tear of relief, a tear of freedom. At that very moment, I feel like a prisoner that has just finished serving 50years of his life behind the rail. Feel like to shout, to hug someone I love, and tell them in great joy that "Hey, I have gone through it! I have made it, I have made it!!!"

The last case, I was asked to examine a young 12 year old girl, with previous history of brain tumor. She has craniotomy scar, and tracheostomy scar on her neck. The examiner, after asking me question about the scars, told me, that this girl has been gone through difficult times in her life.

Ya.. I can see that.. It is all written in the tracheostomy scar.... My heart went to her..

Then I proceeded to my examinaton, this girl has CN6 and CN7 palsy. She was so cute, so innocent.. And She was very co-operative, totally different from a usual paediatric examination. I asked her to look at and follow my fingers, she obediently did. I asked her how many finger she saw when I showed her my Index finger, she didnt say much, just naive-ly showed her index finger, telling me she just saw 1 finger.

She touched me. Really...

When I see her, see the scars, scar that has its own story behind, the cranial nerve palsy that the brain tumor left her, I see myself. I see myself in the past 3 weeks, the period of agony, a war with the final exam. What suffering I have gone through...

And what suffering this girl had gone through in her early life... A naive girl....

My tear just wont stop. I feel sad for her, why such an innocent girl, so young, is given such great temptation. I believe, she has missed so much of her childhood life due to the disease. She can't play like other child at her age. She has to wear a thick spectacle to correct her visual impairment. I cried...

But at the same time, I feel a freedom, no more exam, no more burden, it is a moment of liberty.

I cried all the way back into my room..

That moment, was the most memorable time. Not even the time of announcing my result can beat it.

To that little girl, I hope God will bless her life, and give her what she has missed in her life, in other ways. And let her, become the inspiration to others, like me. An inspiration to appreciate life, what we have, and never complain what we lost...