got it.

forced myself to sleep last night. bring all the heartache with me. with the hope of leavibg it behind the dream, and come back alive freshed.

was waitin to talk, chat, like before.

but I do not know how to.

try to think some (rather lousy) excuses, but none.

and I am so cowardice.

at last I saw him there, the list of ppl with the green light beside their names.

ok. Available.

tot he would responded like how I would.

but it was totally upside down. totally white and balck. just like his and mine.

I ve made tha courageous move to initiate.

but, when ppl asnwer u, one after ur question, and it takes them half hour to reply.

you just know what it means.

the conclusion with the chat and his weird cold behaviours, the green lover aint interested in me.

I tot weizy, the watch lover said "Sabahan girls are not my type"

might be wrong but I feel that the peroduo owner doesnt like me. doesnt like not as in doesnt like, but kinda-hate like doesnt like.

hmmm may be because im so blunt in words and actions.

I think he thinks that I like someone else.

and he thinks that I think that he likes someone else.

so everyone backs off.

so everyone gives way.

and both are... what can I say? Fool.

and I dont think I can erase that.

damage is there.

gonna stop sayin things.

gonna (try) stop looking for him, his car, his voice. evrything.

but gonna steal his positiveness and bring into my life.

his enthusiasm.

his way of thinking.

his friendliness.

his kindness.

I will try.

just go on with my lil life here.

wish list

Here are things that I long to have and to do:

1. watch
Seriously, I do not know how to buy a watch. I just need a simple one. Simole enough for me to count the pulse of my patient. My previous watch is a gift from my ex. Now the battery has drained out. All prrvious ones also bought by family. never bought it myself.
can I ask for someone to buy me? I rather pay them than to buy myself.
Someone pleaseeeee.... Anyone? ##kedebab## ounch muself again on the face. ya right weizy, noone goona read ur blog.

whatever.

2. Sewing machine
Damn! so expensive. the only brand I see is Singer, which at least costs bout 700. but im gonna buy it one day. Wanna make my own clothes. I dont think it is that difficult. It makes me so geram to see a simple too cost like rm30. I can make a better one!

3. travel
wow this has been my dream for so long. places that I wanna go is the europian countries. I fall in love with their culture. especially their food. wine, spaghetty, breads. and I wish I can get married to one of them! kekeke

4. star gazing
never get bored with the nature. always meamerized by them. they stay beautiful, perfect effortlessly. and I wish I can do this with my partner of life.. I hope he is a beach lover too!

5. bungee jumping
guess I wont really have this chance. where la I can find this here...

I say your name in my prayer

I have decided.

Not gonna beg any sympathy from you.

Not gonna ask for any attention from you.

Gonna be just me.

I might not have you.

But I have God.

He pleases me when you hurt me.

though you never know.

The day passes so easy when the first thing I do when I open up my eyes, I tell him to walk with me.

Boy, the crowd is too large that you dont notice me.

it is ok.

though im hurt cause you dont see me as how I see you.

I say your name in my prayer.

May you become a good doctor. A good friend to everyone as how you are now.

may God Bless you.

hey god!

Good Morning world!

Hey God, please walk with me and hold my hand.

I am a lil girl who doesnt know how to go across to the other road yet.

God, whatever happens today, I humbly put it before you.

I surrender it to you before it comes, so that everything shall be blessed by you, be it a good or bad for me.

Lord, help me not too be too blunt with my words, that I unnecessarily hurt others, or make a fool of myself.

Lord, help me not to be carried away by emotions, by my mood, or by my feelings.

Lord help to know that, whatever u permit, is the best for me.

Though it means I dont get what my heart long for.

Lord, bless me, love me, guide me.

I need you Lord, because truly, my heart is so empty.

Thank you Lord. Alleluia!

you dont realize

you have been so quiet lately.

and so do I.

wonder how r you doing there?

wanna say hi, but I just coudnt spell it, and send to you.

Bet you wont know.

hmmmm.

Many things you, dont know, and dont realize.

do u know I dressed myself up for you?

No you dont.

I dont give a damn what I look like, what I clothes I wear if I am with the others.

but I do, if it is you.

I dont give a damn what others text me, what they write on my wall.

but i do, and I am happy, if it is you.

again you dont know that.

and I am so happy if it is you, who bothers to know about me , and offer me help when I need it.

Just by asking, texting, make my day.

Do you, know, if I see you, you stun me, joy flows through my blood and shine through my face, and I have to control it, so much so that you dont realize.

Boy, you dont know that.

Do you?

prettier or uglier?

it is not a KIV to-do-list.

I am doing it now.

curling my hair at Hair Gallery.

what an impulsive act with a risky result.

but who cares..

whether it turn out to b a prettier me, or uglier me.

it is still me. Weizy!

hehe..

too bad cant upload any oic to the blog via my phone..

O&G

now in PAC, kinda jobless. haha..

day 7 of life in O&G.

so far so good. I just hope restropectively will also be good throughout the posting.

Hope I dont kill mother, baby by makin silly mistake.

I love O&G.

Tried to learn as much as I can during this tagging period. For the last 2postings, I feel like I didnt learn much, especially Medical. I didnt make enough initiative to learn. Seriously frustrated with myself with my performance. I love Medical too. and yet i didnt show my best. I love to solve the puzzle.

so let's not making mistake twice. let's just learn, and learn, and learn.

I do not want to let all this fear of medicolegal thing to prevent me from doing what I like.

These few days kinda cold. can sit back, relax for a while. try not to escape works. Try to do things that others are trying to avoid. Though ppl said in O&G, the more hardworking u r, the more risk u r taking.

But I try to remind myself. When will we learn if we keep avoiding works. and that is similar to what a sheep told me. kekeke. And I always remember that. Time flies. In a blink.of an eye, I ll be a MO. and I do not want to regret later of not learning as much as I can.

I cant wait for my day off on Saturday! yoohoo!!!

Too bad... I have no one to spend the.precious time with. huhu. what a sad life. Hmmmm...

thought I can spend sometime with my housemate Eva, but she will only off on Sunday..huhu...

Gonna spend it all by myself. I am not aomeone who will make the first move to ask ppl out.

well, gonna pamper myself kaw kaw.

A must do thing : get myself a full body massage!

a KIV to do thing is: to trim my hair, and may be to curl it.

mm, I bet I will look older with it. all the norw, I am so fat now. 52kg! I never reach this far!

Weizen.. how can you gain so much weight during tagging when.all others lose weight!

haish,.that's the drawback of being.unique..haishhhh...

waiting for the clock to tick to 10pm...