hey.. u r very cold. especially towards me, especially me.. and why's that?
Many a times u make me sad..

  :(

Hmm, this gona be a place for me to speak my heart out loud. Cant do it in facebook, just too

public, and he might find out.

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dissapointed

dissapoonted that the blog apps apperently doesnt function very well.
I cant upload any photo to my blog.
My blog looks so dull...
:(

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testing

to blo

g

via my samsung sII

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Random questions with random answers

Hi Weizy! What's your name?
~Si comel~

What are you doing?
blogging. While watching this Sindah Sakura malay series. Lame.

 What's on ur mind babe?
errrr... the perodua owner??? (oh come on Weizy... him????.. You have not crossed his mind even a slight! wake up babe.. haish..)

 What do u feel now?
I am so happy!!! :D Because at last, after half a year in Sandakan, there are people coming this weekend to visit me!!!! Yoohooooo!!! And im gonna bring them to have seafood in Jambatan 8. Yummyyy!! So long since i last had seafood. Now since i am on my diet ( m trying okkkk....), im not gonna touch rice until then. Let's make it a reward after absolute abstinence from rice. Hehehe.. Isn't thing sweeter when they are harder to get? When things are abundant, we take them for granted. we only feel the lost when they are gone. Sometimes I miss my life as medical student. I didnt own a car, didnt have my own room, I survived with my Petronas Scholarship. Only occasionally, when I really broke, or I need to pay for my hostel fee that I asked some penny from my dad. And I thank God.... for all the abundance, he has bestowed upon me. And all the hardship, that he has permitted, so that I will appreciate life, more..

 What songs do u like to listen now?
Kadazan dusun songs? not just to listen, but to sing! And I miss to be in my kampung. miss to spend time lazing with my cousins. chit chatting how we has grown up together, celebrating CNY every year together, except for the very CNY this year!!! :( And I wish, I can speak my mother tounge.

 Weizzyy.. what are you having now?
Muesli? heheh. told ya i wanna have a healthy diet :P

Where do u wish u were at this moment?
Phuket. Snorkerling, with bikini.

 Your impossible list of wishes?
 1. jumping and bouncing from one cloud to the other.
 Shouting names of those whom I heart so much. Like Mammmiiiiii....!!! Dadi...!!!! Ah Weiii!!!! and may be S....!!! kekeke

 2. to couragely die.
Feel the death, and come back alive again.

 3. To be at the extreme end of peace, bliss. A place where i am not bounded by time and space. to be able to feel each molecule of air that goes into my lungs, every tiny red blood cells that flow through my blood vessels, that sustain me.

 4. Hmmm.. To meet my mother.
 In a garden full of kinds of flowers, with me and her wearing white long satin dress, with crown made of grass and branches of tree on top of our head. beside the splashing waterfall. Angels flying around us. and, we talk like mother and daughter. laughing. and then to lay my head on her lap. let her pat my hair softly, and gently, like all mother would do to her only lil girl.

5. WIsh I can communicate with people by touch.
Mere touch. or just a look into the eyes. I am not good in  making use of my mouth, rather my hands and my eyes.
Wish I when I touch people, laying my hand on their chest, they know what I want to say. (watching too much fairy tale-like movies)

What's about you that people have no idea about?
I love when my eyelash fall. To see that there is one or two strand of my eyelash fall on my cheek or my hand is like a strange satisfaction. sometimes I rub my eyes just to make it fall.

I am good at stalking :P

I am a good actress. As in real good. Especially to make a fake poker face.

I can laugh, really laugh, like a pig.

I am shy. But I am tough. I describe myself as a bag of tea. The hotter the water, the stronger the tea tastes.

I am not like what I present myself as. First impression they give me, an arrogant beautiful (this im not quite sure tho) lady.

What do  u like about yourselves, physically?
My nose, especially when i smile.

What U dont like, then?
My SFH-of-40cm-size tummy?
My men-like arms?
:(

ok now weizy..What's about him that you like????
I dont know, really.
He has a chinese-look, which I am not a fan of.
He is just a lil dark, rather fairer. I mean, I like dark-skin guy.
He looks so boyish. in which I prefer a man.
May be because of he is a gentleman?
A guy with his own principles.
A guy whom quite honest, I would say.
He is energertic, very positive-minded. I am driven by positive people.
Too bad.. He is just stubborn like me. or I would say, he is not simply not into me.
Well... unto thy hands Lord..

got it.

forced myself to sleep last night. bring all the heartache with me. with the hope of leavibg it behind the dream, and come back alive freshed.

was waitin to talk, chat, like before.

but I do not know how to.

try to think some (rather lousy) excuses, but none.

and I am so cowardice.

at last I saw him there, the list of ppl with the green light beside their names.

ok. Available.

tot he would responded like how I would.

but it was totally upside down. totally white and balck. just like his and mine.

I ve made tha courageous move to initiate.

but, when ppl asnwer u, one after ur question, and it takes them half hour to reply.

you just know what it means.

the conclusion with the chat and his weird cold behaviours, the green lover aint interested in me.

I tot weizy, the watch lover said "Sabahan girls are not my type"

might be wrong but I feel that the peroduo owner doesnt like me. doesnt like not as in doesnt like, but kinda-hate like doesnt like.

hmmm may be because im so blunt in words and actions.

I think he thinks that I like someone else.

and he thinks that I think that he likes someone else.

so everyone backs off.

so everyone gives way.

and both are... what can I say? Fool.

and I dont think I can erase that.

damage is there.

gonna stop sayin things.

gonna (try) stop looking for him, his car, his voice. evrything.

but gonna steal his positiveness and bring into my life.

his enthusiasm.

his way of thinking.

his friendliness.

his kindness.

I will try.

just go on with my lil life here.

wish list

Here are things that I long to have and to do:

1. watch
Seriously, I do not know how to buy a watch. I just need a simple one. Simole enough for me to count the pulse of my patient. My previous watch is a gift from my ex. Now the battery has drained out. All prrvious ones also bought by family. never bought it myself.
can I ask for someone to buy me? I rather pay them than to buy myself.
Someone pleaseeeee.... Anyone? ##kedebab## ounch muself again on the face. ya right weizy, noone goona read ur blog.

whatever.

2. Sewing machine
Damn! so expensive. the only brand I see is Singer, which at least costs bout 700. but im gonna buy it one day. Wanna make my own clothes. I dont think it is that difficult. It makes me so geram to see a simple too cost like rm30. I can make a better one!

3. travel
wow this has been my dream for so long. places that I wanna go is the europian countries. I fall in love with their culture. especially their food. wine, spaghetty, breads. and I wish I can get married to one of them! kekeke

4. star gazing
never get bored with the nature. always meamerized by them. they stay beautiful, perfect effortlessly. and I wish I can do this with my partner of life.. I hope he is a beach lover too!

5. bungee jumping
guess I wont really have this chance. where la I can find this here...

I say your name in my prayer

I have decided.

Not gonna beg any sympathy from you.

Not gonna ask for any attention from you.

Gonna be just me.

I might not have you.

But I have God.

He pleases me when you hurt me.

though you never know.

The day passes so easy when the first thing I do when I open up my eyes, I tell him to walk with me.

Boy, the crowd is too large that you dont notice me.

it is ok.

though im hurt cause you dont see me as how I see you.

I say your name in my prayer.

May you become a good doctor. A good friend to everyone as how you are now.

may God Bless you.

hey god!

Good Morning world!

Hey God, please walk with me and hold my hand.

I am a lil girl who doesnt know how to go across to the other road yet.

God, whatever happens today, I humbly put it before you.

I surrender it to you before it comes, so that everything shall be blessed by you, be it a good or bad for me.

Lord, help me not too be too blunt with my words, that I unnecessarily hurt others, or make a fool of myself.

Lord, help me not to be carried away by emotions, by my mood, or by my feelings.

Lord help to know that, whatever u permit, is the best for me.

Though it means I dont get what my heart long for.

Lord, bless me, love me, guide me.

I need you Lord, because truly, my heart is so empty.

Thank you Lord. Alleluia!

you dont realize

you have been so quiet lately.

and so do I.

wonder how r you doing there?

wanna say hi, but I just coudnt spell it, and send to you.

Bet you wont know.

hmmmm.

Many things you, dont know, and dont realize.

do u know I dressed myself up for you?

No you dont.

I dont give a damn what I look like, what I clothes I wear if I am with the others.

but I do, if it is you.

I dont give a damn what others text me, what they write on my wall.

but i do, and I am happy, if it is you.

again you dont know that.

and I am so happy if it is you, who bothers to know about me , and offer me help when I need it.

Just by asking, texting, make my day.

Do you, know, if I see you, you stun me, joy flows through my blood and shine through my face, and I have to control it, so much so that you dont realize.

Boy, you dont know that.

Do you?

prettier or uglier?

it is not a KIV to-do-list.

I am doing it now.

curling my hair at Hair Gallery.

what an impulsive act with a risky result.

but who cares..

whether it turn out to b a prettier me, or uglier me.

it is still me. Weizy!

hehe..

too bad cant upload any oic to the blog via my phone..

O&G

now in PAC, kinda jobless. haha..

day 7 of life in O&G.

so far so good. I just hope restropectively will also be good throughout the posting.

Hope I dont kill mother, baby by makin silly mistake.

I love O&G.

Tried to learn as much as I can during this tagging period. For the last 2postings, I feel like I didnt learn much, especially Medical. I didnt make enough initiative to learn. Seriously frustrated with myself with my performance. I love Medical too. and yet i didnt show my best. I love to solve the puzzle.

so let's not making mistake twice. let's just learn, and learn, and learn.

I do not want to let all this fear of medicolegal thing to prevent me from doing what I like.

These few days kinda cold. can sit back, relax for a while. try not to escape works. Try to do things that others are trying to avoid. Though ppl said in O&G, the more hardworking u r, the more risk u r taking.

But I try to remind myself. When will we learn if we keep avoiding works. and that is similar to what a sheep told me. kekeke. And I always remember that. Time flies. In a blink.of an eye, I ll be a MO. and I do not want to regret later of not learning as much as I can.

I cant wait for my day off on Saturday! yoohoo!!!

Too bad... I have no one to spend the.precious time with. huhu. what a sad life. Hmmmm...

thought I can spend sometime with my housemate Eva, but she will only off on Sunday..huhu...

Gonna spend it all by myself. I am not aomeone who will make the first move to ask ppl out.

well, gonna pamper myself kaw kaw.

A must do thing : get myself a full body massage!

a KIV to do thing is: to trim my hair, and may be to curl it.

mm, I bet I will look older with it. all the norw, I am so fat now. 52kg! I never reach this far!

Weizen.. how can you gain so much weight during tagging when.all others lose weight!

haish,.that's the drawback of being.unique..haishhhh...

waiting for the clock to tick to 10pm...

Adrenaline rush

~phewww~

I almost missed the flight back to KayKay.

Woke up at 8.10. Left home 8.47am. Flight depart at 9.10am.

Great!

Counter closed by the time I reached airport. So I have to run with my (fortunately) wheeled -luggage in one hand, and another 2big bags( full of chocs :) in another hand.

I felt like a princess, cuz I was the last person to go in. everyone seems to wait for me....

**kedebab** --> punching myself on the face (OOouuurrchhh!!!)

Who cares? I am here in kk already. That s most important.

Another hour, to fly back to sandakan, a place full with PTI.

having and enjoying McD brwakfast set. Like always, I order the one comes with pancakes.

Sheep likes McD too! Sheep?? Yes sheeep! Hehe. Hmm Sheep is bad.

Well, thought of goin to the Starbucks initially. But KK Airport Starbuck is in the international departure hall, far from the domestic one that im goin in.

Since mcD also comes with coffee, well let s just drop by.

Wow! Sheep can text too! Cuz I just got one. Wahahaha..

Hmmm... Though time flies, I enjoyed my past 1week holiday.

Away from the hospital. Away from the sicks. Away from the routine adrenaline rush, the pressure that comes with it.

And I thank the hosp so much for not bugging me during my vacation. But hey! Wait! I think there was, a call from the hosp! But I missed that call. But luckily they didnt call back. Hehehe..

At least I have a space for my own. Havent really pampered myself so much like I did last week.

Penang trip was fun. so nice to hang out with a group of girlfrens. Telling story of how pathethic of still not having someone special in our lives! Wahahaha..

Ya.. All 4 of us are still single! Haha. Too expensive? Or may be there is none that is interested even to buy at the first place. Sigh... And there are just something in common, I believe, with the four of us. We dont simply date man. Only those who deserve us.

Bla bla bla... And that s the reason why we still alone. Wahahha..

And it was so nice having Hashvina to play with my hair while we re chitchating.

I love ppl touch my hair, feel so pampered.

If mommy is still around, would she do that to me?

I think she would, cuz I would bug her!

Hmmm.... 10years ya? And tears never gone dry this one decade. Still fresh.

im gonna make a poem for u. Telling u what s inside.

Ok. Lets get ur life a bit organized weizy!

I have been living aimless life that depends so much on my feelings.

Clear up ur mind. Hey weizy, where is the old u?!

Dont be so pathethic. We live life once. So live it to the fullest Weizy!

Enough with the frustration, dissapointments, sadness.

it is meant to be inside the package. Get out of the box weizy, and discover how beautiful life is put there!

How beautiful the flowers are, they dont think what to wear, what to eat, cuz Father up there knows what to do with them. they just grow beautiful.

Oh no! Almost 11. Dont wana be late AGAIN!

Gotta finish this later.

Dark chocholate

Weizen has been naughty lately.

I guess, it is just a part of me that I have negleted for so long.

And when it is released, it rebounds badly.

Many people dont know that I can be very, very naughty, chicky.

:)

It is just matter of time, place and people.

Well, some moments in life is just tempting, which,

Once tasted, becomes an addiction.

We just want more and more.

We know it is bad, or at least we aware that it bears no fruits.

But it just tastes so sweet that we dont mind about what may happen next.

That is when, a sane mind comes into help.

Cuz at times, heart fails to function. As it is so subjected to feelings.

Heart always deceited by emotions, feelings.

But a sane mind doesnt.

So next time, tho I know I would definitely fall for it, but I hope my mind will limit it and minimize the consequences.

Wrong women..wrong crowd. All wrong. Seriously, r u blind?

Argghhh! Seriously this really test my patience.

I begin to question, what is wrong with me?

Am I speaking greek?

Or are you deaf?

Am I transparent?

Or are you blind?

Ive done my part.

And nothing s from u.

Zero.

Poor u. Cant even buy the standard. thats y all the wrong ones?

Gonna retreat back to my dwelling place. Away from u.

Cant bear to stand there but not to be seen at all.

Cant stand to see being surrounded by the wrong crowds.

But since u like it that way. Go ahead.

Not want to hear anything about u.

Not a bit.

Hmm.. Not gonna stop u.

Go ahead.

I dont beg. And I dont prohibit.

Fly, fly, fly, fly...

Wherever u want to be.

And I...

Will watch from far (weizy... U still care, dont u)

Grrr

Grrrr... Feeling so impatient. So angry!

U r so mean!

:(

Ok. I ll keep quiet. Away from the crowd surrounding u.

Hey

Cuz I am a girl, boy...

Feel sorry, and I feel bad

Yes very much I do.

For not being honest when there s someone who care to be honest with me.

But I cant help it..

It is just my nature, my spinal reflex.

To run, as far as I can, and hide.

When I feel danger.

When I feel my boundary of privacy is crossed.

When someone knows the meaning behind my words.

When someone can read my body language.

When someone can read my mind.

No, no, no.

No one can do that!

Cuz if there is, if there ever is, he must be a very special someone.

Cuz I speak through silence.

And no one can canversate through silence, unless he bears the same wave of frequency as mine.

I dont mean to be rude boy.

Dont mean to tell lies.

And that s the reason why, I guess, I never be found.

Cuz I just love to run and hide.

And I do not like to play with fire. Been burnt alive enough.

If only someone can understand this.. Cuz I just dont meant to hurt.

Not gonna play with u boy

Decided not to be fooled. Not to be hurt.

Too many in ur list.

So I will just walk, away.

Heart failure, indeed ya! Finally CME finished. Done with it.

Hope I wont be extended in Medical. If I wont, then I only have a few more days left.

Cant wait for my week off. But as usual, i do not where to go.

Ticket to kl gonna be expensive. Havent checked it out though.

But am so tempted with the offer to Lang Tengah.

How I miss the beach so much. I have been thinking what would I wear to the beach!

Oh can I just jump into the water! Or rolling myself on the soft sandy beach?

Someone has promised me long ago that he would bring me to the beach, and star gazing.

Mm, never got the chance..

Weizen, for once and for all, please forget him.

Perishable

Today everything seems not right. Everything hoes wrong.

And I am exhauseted being worry, being pressured, in fear.

Screwed up. Messed up.

But y dont I have any feeling now? Too numb.

Tired of trying to satisfy the one above u, and got messed up.

Really I am tired...

that, I have run out of space worrying what will happen next.

Well, at least half of the burden emotionally borne on my heart had been released by the fall of my tears.

Sometimes we just need to cry.

Cry our heart out. And what a relief after that!

Well, as I said, as I never failed to believe, God is fair.

He knows that I am strong that he givese all these.

And he doesnt leve me alone.

He sprinkles some sweet remedy when I was dealing with my hard time.

It was sweet that I laugh in between.

And thanx to the face mask again.

Hehhehehe.

Popped into my own world, smile at myself.

But hmmm, as wut it usually happen, the sweetness doesnt last long

Sometimes, it ends abruptly.

Gets me manic.

Gets me a heartache, not literally, but physically.

It is up and down, the feeling is like u r riding on a roller coster.

Though it might be quite fun, chill, adventerous.

I prefer a quite life, not rolling in between two extremes.

I am afraid to love, cause I am fear of losing.

I ask myself, if I dont love, I wont lose.

And I just couldnt agree more.

But what is life without love.

It is pathetic.

I guess we both bear something in common.

and I am trying hard not to be noticed.

Tryinh hard to be cool.

Cuz I dun wanna start something I cant commit. or contributr to its start.

Cuz I know, it just a transient, mortal, perishable, feelings....

Morning review

Here I am.

In the living room, havin my breakfast alone. My housemate is sleeping soundly upstair.

It s Monday blue, hectic MOnday.. Anticipating a very busy one.

Well, that's not of my concern at the moment.

Work will never finish anyhow. It flows like a river.

Feeling a bit down. Everyday is a loney day.

Seriously I need someone I can rely upon during times like this.

Some one I can laugh out loud with.

Some one I can share with.

Some one I can relieve my anger at, when I need to (hehehe)

Oh Lord...

Send me at least one human that can be my bestfren here...

All my bestfrens have their own lives, with their other halves. One soon will produce one baby human.

And I am here, all by myself.

Why should my aura cold like ice? At least that s what ppl feel, I guess.

Why cant I seem not to get along with my own species well, the girls, compared to the guys?

Is it because I am the only princess among the princes in my family?

I think it is just my personality. Something that is hard to change.

And why should I admire from far, from a distance?

It always get me palpatation, laughing alone.

It is fun. Cause I am admiring someone who doesnt know that I secretely do..

Or may be he knows? Oh shit!

this, I can never trust myself!

Weizy sometimes is just too naive..

I wish I can be a better actress!

Cuz I always embarass myself in front of someone I admire so much.

Well, I think sometimes body speaks better language than the lips.

I just hope that he is deaf to what my body is speaking.

but hey, it is not something that I can control!

I can have a courage like a strong man has.

But in front of someone I like, I automatically turn into a small rat..

I am just too shy to face him.... (laughing)

And when I get shy, and nervous in front of him, my adrenaline pump becomes stronger.

And I blush. That, that is something I cant hide ok!

And that is the reasom why face mask is very ideal..

Hahahaa ( I m laughing like a pig now)

Whahahahahahah..

Silly weizy. Sometimes feel like knocking my head onto the wall, or immerse my face down the water.

Well, that s part of my entertainment here...

Almost 5, I havent got my pants ironed yet!

Ciau!

one

"Not quick to judge"?

I dont think so.

You do.

Just like everyone else.

Waiting for one who doesnt.

One who knows what he wants, and determined by all means to get it.

Not a try-and-error.

Not a doubtful.

Not a coward.

One, whom He is in favor.