Pathetic me

I am feeding myself with Lee Fah Keropok. My fav Keropok. Hehe..

Well Weizen, go on! Keep it up! Eat, eat and keep on eating! Then later u gonna sleep with all the regrets of eating non-stop, like there is no tomorrow! And when U go swimming, wearing the swimming suit, let all people see how big and ugly ur tummy is Weizen! And deprived urself from all the nice dresses, beautiful clothes that other girls proudly wear!

No comment.

It is just hard to stop eating. The hunger never leave me even for a second.

I left my blog for days.. I just feel lazy to blog, despite having many stories to tell. If only my brain and my blog are connected, and whatever inside my mind could be transferred here directly, life would be way easy to me.

Why do I have to fight with this laziness all the time. Sometimes I lose, sometimes the luck backs me and I win. Why can't people just be hardworking, self-motivated naturally? Why there must be a need to be pushed, to be scolded, in order to get things done?

Well, I guess it is all depends on ourselves. How much forward we want to progress our lives to. How much effort we are willing to sweat out to make our lives richer. How much comfortable are we at the moment. May be we feel we are good now, nothing much need to be amended, we are just in our comfort zone, not willing to take the challenge to move forward!


MM.. by the way Weizen, what are u talking about now? I am confused.


Let alone be the laziness. I wanna share my feelings at the very moment.


I am missing someone. Last night I dreamt bout a very very big, huge ship. MM, why did I have such a dream? Is it because I am terribly missing someone across the sea now? May be. Dreams are all about what happen in my life.

Yeah, I am terribly missing someone. Someone whom will not know how much I miss him. It is very difficult to suppress feelings. Especially those which involve very much of intense emotions. MM.. My life always been like this. It is either I get myself jumped into the troubles, or the troubles find me. In either way I couldn't run, or I run.. could but find no exit.

I know I am such a weak emotions handler. I am always carried away by my own feelings. I grow the wrong feelings, and suppress the right ones. And u know, when the feelings grow big and bigger day by day, it also becomes violent and rage like a fire.

People say, jangan bermain dengan api, nanti dimakan api.

Well people.. It is always easier said than done. I couldn't reverse things that have been done. The only thing I could, and I should do is, to change the present and make a better future.

Again, cakap senang, tidak serupa bikin.


I need courage and the most important thing is a REASON to fight. At the moment I am lacking both. Weizen, what a weak species of Eve are you!


Whom should I turn to now? God? I always turn my back to Him, though He always there, faithfully waiting for me. Someone across the sea? He would never know about this. And why should he give a damn about it? Yeah.. It is very selfish to let him intervene. Let alone he seaman.

Arghh!! I just receive a sms saying, I Miss you, I really Do.

I am getting resistant to that kind of sms. Sometimes it upsets me to receive and read a SMS, saying just I miss you. And I am so upset now. So I am no gonna reply


I feel so bad for myself sometimes. Love and being loved by someone who is not even by my side. Not at least when I need love the most. All I get is, sms, sms, sms, sms, sms, sms, and calls.... For 2 years? Not forgetting the earlier years of long distance relationship. I am so confused. I almost forget, what LOVE is. How LOVE feels. The daily same sms, same conversation make everything seems so routine, nothing special anymore. That is what I feel most of the time. Girls get presents for their birthday, anniversaries. Me? I dun get anything. Even my 22nd birthday was forgotten. And our anniversary too... Pathetic huh?

I am not a materialistic girl. But sometimes, I feel, I have the right, I am deserved to be pampered by someone who claims to love me above all things. But what I get is totally opposite to what has been said. I need not to be pampered by gifts, by diamond, by shoppings. No, no, no, I dun need that....


What I need is the presence of love. Presence of love is more alive with urself being with me, by my side.

Yeah, I know.. U r not to be blamed. U r just trapped in a circumstances that do not allow u to do what u want. Sometimes, I wonder, why is God so cruel to u..

Being cruel to u, means Gos is cruel to me too.. Cuz what affect u affect me too.


I know, to question this, is not fair to u. Cuz u might want to question me the same. But what can I do, I am a girl. I am so long to be pampered. And U just can't, u just can't! It breaks my heart. Most of the time, I have the courage to avoid this kind of thinking. But sometimes I am just weak. I am weakened by the hunger of love inside me. And resist all the reasons not to think like that. Being a typical girl, I just couldn't resist my innermost nature of jealousy when I see other girls are happy being together with their loved ones. I feel so unfair. I feel u r such a selfish person to treat me like this. How long should I stand this?


I am so angry to see a friend in my facebook who always shouts a postout about her happy being with the bf. Why should I get angry? Because deep in my heart, I always long for someone who can be by my side, love me as if I am the last person left on earth. I am jealous, to be honest. It is so irritating to read her postout. I mean, yeah I know U have a doc-to-be bf, But can't u keep the fuck to urself? Why must u tell everyone in facebook, showing off that U r pretty and u r sl blessed to have a doc-to-be bf? Don't u know that there r may people out there like me, that are just not lucky as u r, left alone and lonely? And this girl always indirectly want people to know that she is pretty. Yeah, I know U have the face, But like I said, just keep the fuck to urself!!


Arghh, my mood is so not stable!!! I really need someone here to comfort me.


Well, Whatever I say now, makes no differences right.. It ain't gonna change the situation. I am still will be here, left by the love.